un·re·quit·ed

Main Entry: un·re·quit·ed
Pronunciation: "&n-ri-'kwI-t&d
Function: adjective
: not requited : not reciprocated or returned in kind

Aaaahhhh... Feeling the love blues again. I've been in love with a million guys and I'm currently in love with a million more. Unfortunately, all of them are unrequited. And that pretty much sucks. I would hate myself if I turn out to be a sugar daddy. I'm not looking for a "bayaring papa" but for a real boyfriend. But everyday, the likelihood of that happening is increasing. Bleeh...

I'd like to hink of myself as a very private person. True, people know me well but what they actually know are facets of myself. As it turns out, I'm not really that private about my life. You see, I'm one of those people who wear their hearts on their sleeve. Just look at the paragraph above and you'll see how honest or open I am about my life. If I am feeling something, you can immediately see it in my face. I would look happy, sad, depressed, bothered, angry... If I am alone but I'm sitting in front of the PC, I would be blogging about what I'm feeling. Or I'd be changing my YM status to reflect my current state. A few months ago, I was angry at a friend of mine but I couldn't tell him. So I changed my YM status to reflect how I felt towards him. It was just a phrase, I didn't even mention him by name. But he knew. He knew that it was directed at him even without anything incriminatory words. That's how obvious I am...

But back to the unrequited thing... I like a couple of guys right now. Nothing romantic yet, but I like them a lot. And same as always, I have a defunct gaydar so I dunno if they are gay or if they are open to dating a guy. And I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about this. Another trait of mine is that I have no self control. If I like someone it's very possible that liking him will turn out to loving him. Even if I know that that person is not interested, it usually progresses into that messy situation. And I would hate it if it happens again. Like a guy, love a guy, guy doesn't want me, end up feeling depressed. It's a vicious cycle. And this cycle has got to stop!

stuffing myself silly

i stopped going to the gym last month. actually i've mentally stopped going to the gym last may but since i still had some personal training sessions left, i had no choice but to finish them all up. nangungulit kasi yung trainer kung kelan ang next session namin. so ayun, naubos lang silang lahat last month. and the net result is that i am getting fatter than ever before.

true, i've been fat all my life. well there were times wherein i was merely "chubby" but those times are pretty few... in fact, the "thinnest" i've been in recent memory was 170 pounds last 2003. 3 years ago... gaaahhhh! but now, i'm at a dangerous weight level. i'm about to cross over to the dark side. and syempre pinipigilan kong mangyari yun.

unfortunately since i haven't been going to the gym anymore, sumisikip na ang mga damit ko. well siguro kung nagstop lang ako mag gym, baka wala masyadong difference. but the thing is not only have i stopped working out but i've also been stuffing myself silly. for example, the food i ate today: philly cheese steak sandwich, a big serving of pasta, and 2 donuts. and it's only 4pm. and talk about carbo-loading... gaaahhhh!

not only that, i've been drinking. a lot. hindi pa naman alcoholic but my alcohol consumption has definitely gone up. like the other night, i ate at the japanese place near our house. usually when i go out to eat, i drink water or a soda. but lately, i've been having beer with my meals. so this never ending waistline of mine is not just because of carbs, it's the beer belly factor as well.

so why am i not controlling myself? because stuffing myself silly is just too fun and too good for my tastebuds... foodtrip, inuman, pagiging couch potato, it's all so good!!! so i'm ending this damn blog post with no good ending. no promises of "i'm going back to the gym!" or "i'm not eating carbs anymore!" no nothing at all... hay...

DarNA

Aena, now a youtube star!