Worth the Wait

I've been with the Peace Retreat Movement for almost seven years now and last weekend, I became the Big Brother (BB) of a retreat for the very first time. I'm not going to lie, I've been wanting to become BB for a while now. During those times that I thought I was going to be chosen but was instead passed over for someone else, I was really hurt. This year in fact, I kinda gave up on the BB thing... So when they said that I was going to be BB for PR 99, I was not happy. I actually felt angry about it because it seemed like they only chose me because there wasn't anyone else.

In the run up to the retreat, that feeling of anger dissipated but it was not replaced by excitement. I just felt numb about the whole thing up until the day of the retreat. I did not prepare myself that much, I only asked God to help me out so that my retreatants will get what they deserve. But the moment I started dealing with the students, everything changed. I was suddenly nervous, happy, excited, afraid and a whole host of other feelings. Basically, I started feeling the BB vibe and I wanted to become a good one.

Unfortunately, my retreatants are college students and historically, college students are a pain in the ass and this batch is no different. Different issues came up that not only challenged me and Ate Reg (the Big Sister), but also challenged every single auxiliary in this retreat. I even wanted to cry at one point because of all the problems but there was no time to do that, there are retreatants to take care of. But like what Ate Reg said, there are just some kids in this batch who are hopeless cases (or pasaways) and instead of exerting effort to try and change them, we just let them be.

With all the issues, challenges and hopelessness facing us, I was pretty much just soldiering on with my job. People before me who have become BBs have said that being BB is tiring but it is very fulfilling. I was just tired. Nothing about serving these kids made me feel fulfilled. But as they say, God works in mysterious ways.

Things suddenly took a turn for the better. Those kids who seem hopeless suddenly started showing to us that they can be redeemed and that they want to be redeemed. Again, I wanted to cry. But this time, it was not because I was tired but because I was ashamed with myself for giving up on these kids so easily and for not having faith in them or in myself. Seeing that there is hope in these kids made me so happy as well. It made me feel fulfilled. And this particular feeling made me realize that all those years of waiting for the chance to become BB doesn't matter anymore. All the hurt and anger that I felt was erased. What matters is that I was now given the chance to serve in a different way and that this chance didn't go to waste.

Becoming Big Brother in a retreat was definitely worth the wait. And I cannot wait to do it all over again.

Back to Basics

I bought Christina Aguilera's latest album on Monday and I've been listening to it over and over ever since. I must admit that I am a big Christina fan. I don't have her first album but I loved listening to "What a Girl Wants." Her second album Stripped is one of my all-time favorites. A lot of people didn't like "Drrty" but I love it! And now here in the third album, there are some songs here that have become favorites of mine as well!

The album, Back to Basics, is divided into two discs. While the overall album has a retro feel to it, Disc 1 is more modern-sounding that Disc 2. Disc 1 is a good one, with nice tracks to dance to or emote to but the songs do not have the usual club beats. Instead, you'll hear horn blasts, piano riffs and whatnot, reminiscent of old songs. There are some instant favorites in the first disc including "Ain't No Other Man" (the first single, which I fell in love with immediately when it was first leaked out), the "Intro" (I love the fact that Christina has introductions in her CDs!), and "Understand" (slower than the rest of the Disc 1 and it has a great sample of an old song).

While the first disc was good, it's the second disc that I am in love with! Disc 2 starts off with "Enter the Circus" and it really sounds like something that you'd hear in a circus! It then smoothly segues into "Welcome", which is one of my absolute favorites in the disc! Other great songs in disc 2 are "Candyman" (this is going to be the second single and I can't wait to see the video!), "Nasty Naughty Boy" (very sultry!), and "The Right Man" (a tribute to Christina's husband wherein you can really feel the lurrrvvvv!). If Disc 1 has pretty energetic or modern tracks, it's here in Disc 2 that you'll hear the more dramatic songs not unlike "Beautiful" from her second album (which isn't surprising since Disc 2 was produced by Linda Perry who also produced Beautiful). And the truly old-fashioned vibe in Disc 2 doesn't hurt either as I am a big fan of oldies music!

If Christina has one fault, it's her over-use of melisma. I really hate melismatic singers (like Mariah Carey) but I'm actually okay with it when Christina does it. Although it would be great to hear her singing without the vocal pyrotechnics. But her voice is as gorgeous as ever and she truly is ahead of the other singers in her generation! Now if only she'd have a concert here... I'd be first in line!!!

Ring the Alarm

I never really liked Deja Vu, Beyonce's first single off her new album. But this new song and video is just too fierce not to be liked! Damn! Love it, love it, love it!

Ang kadiri na ang cute ng image na ito!

Permission

this video is nice... i hope you get the point

random thoughts of a (non)writer

i've been reading the blog of a friend (check it out). he writes so nicely. he knows how to put his thoughts into these beautiful words. and he says them in the least amount of space possible. i, on the other hand, am a shitty writer. my posts are really long, i'm always rambling, and there's nothing beautiful about the way i write. white noise indeed.

i'm in a rut right now. i'm not sad. i'm not happy. i am just... oh i don't know. it's like i'm stuck in this place and i wanna get out. but i don't have the will to get out. i know there should be more to my life but i am not discovering whatever there is out there. it's because i'm so comfortable with my current situation. but comfortable is not always a good thing...

i'm almost finished with the second season of lost. yeah, yeah, the second season is long over in the usa or on axn. huli na ako sa balita kumbaga. but i lost my excitement over the show a few months ago and i'm only regaining that excitement now. thank goodness our IT downloaded the whole season and i'm now watching the show. and it's as good as ever!

there's another retreat this weekend. and i've been tapped to become the head of the sacristy ministry again. while i've been doing this for quite a long time now, i'm afraid i'm gonna screw up. i think i've gotten too complacent, too reliant on the newbies. and now i am a little rusty... superfriend help me!

i've pretty much given up on myself, dieting-wise that is. i've gotten to a point wherein i am just sick of going to the gym. and i've gotten to a point wherein i wanna experience everything when it comes to food. so it's pretty much lamon! lamon! lamon! these days. i've reversed my goals: instead of losing 20 pounds, i wanna gain 20 pounds instead.

i haven't been a techie ever since i got out of college. i'm so behind with the latest on computers and celfones. in fact, i haven't salivated over a fone lately. but last saturday, my friend bought a 3G phone and i wanna join in on the fun. so now, i am considering buying a nokia 6280. it's gonna cost me 15 grand... i hope it's worth it!

four minutes until five o'clock. then i can go home. but i won't be going home immediately. i'm thinking of going to the barber first and having my unsightly beard shaved off. maybe even get a haircut. then i'll buy a celfone afterwards... need to get some cash from the atm first. then it's goodbye money! oh well... anything to make me feel happy!

Thoughts on Philippine Idol

I've been meaning to write a review about Philippine Idol but I keep on forgetting. Fortunately a friend texted me just now asking about my thoughts on the show so now I'm blogging about our local version of the popular franchise.

Two episodes of Idol has already been shown and right off the bat, I knew I'm gonna love this show. The first episodes are focused on the audition rounds. The Manila and Cebu audition rounds have already been shown with the Davao auditions being shown next week.

Like the US version of Idol, the audition episodes have a mix of the good auditionees and the bad ones. The Manila auditions have yielded some musical gems such as that lesbian-looking chick (I love her voice!!!) and the 'Di Ako Bakla singing woman (Love her as well! Her audition was so fun!). I couldn't remember any outstanding guys in the Manila round... In contrast, the men from the Cebu round outshone the women. Ironically, the best auditionee was a guy from Parañaque who traveled all the way to Cebu to audition. The other standout is the gay guy who has a woman's voice. Galing eh, di bading ang voice niya, girl na girl talaga!

But as I said, there were bad auditions as well. And a lot of these bad auditions were shown. A common gripe that I had with American Idol is that they always showcase a lot of the bad auditionees and rarely show those who got the golden ticket. The same thing is happening with Philippine Idol. While it is fun to see the horrible auditions, it's just overkill to have the bad contestants be featured in 90% of the show. At least in American Idol, they know how to edit the bad auditions to make them funny whereas Philippine Idol just shows the bad ones even if they are not funny. And that's my major gripe with Philippine Idol: the bad editing.

I am a stickler for good editing. Whenever I watch a tv show or a movie, editing is something that I really look at. And in Philippine Idol, editing seems to have gone by the wayside. As I've said, a lot of bad auditions have been shown and they could've easily edited out most of those. They also fail to make the storylines interesting. And instead of getting the best soundbites from the judges, they either show every single thing that the judges have to say about the contestants or none at all!

Speaking of the judges, it's hard to watch them and not compare them to the American judges (Randy, Paula and Simon). But I try to keep an open mind since each judge has his/her own unique way of expressing his/her opinions. Unfortunately, Ryan Cayabyab always takes the long-winded way of giving out his critiques. It's a good thing that what he says has substance and it's also nice to see that Mr. C can be mataray (although it's not the funny-bitchiness that Simon Cowell has mastered). Francis Magalona on the other hand is long-winded as well but he blabs a lot with little substance in what he says (at least Randy Jackson keeps his non-sense opinions to a maximum of five words). The best of all the judges is Pilita Corales. She is just so fun to watch! She gives the best one liners without being too malambing or too mataray. She also doles out good advice to the contestants. She really hits all the right notes, judging-wise...

As for the host, all I can say is meeh... Ryan Agoncillo is a competent host but I always get the urge to sleep whenever he speaks. It might not be his fault though. Maybe the show's writers are the ones who failed to give him interesting lines...

So after reading this critique of Philippine Idol, you might think "How the hell can he love this when he has a lot of negative things to say?!?!" Well, even with all the negatives, in the end it's all about the singing. And as I've said, there are some gems to be seen and heard on this show. I wanna see all those people who can be the first Idol and if it means enduring all the crappy auditions then so be it. And besides, once they get to the second round, all the bad audition nonsense will be gone and we'll only be hearing the best that Pinoys have to offer. I can't wait for that!

(I'd like to apologize for being guilty of all the negative things that I've written in this review. I failed to edit this monster of an article and I'm very long winded! I guess it's true that those who can't do, criticize!)