I am desperate...

For Christmas, I've given a DVD set of the 1st season of Desperate Housewives to my sister and she finished the entire thing in less than 48 hours. Talk about a marathon... The show is one of my favorites so I watched it with my sister. And as the hours of enjoyable watching went by, a realization hit me: I am desperate. Not a desperate housewife of course but desperate nonetheless. The following are a handful of aspects of my life that I am most desperate about.

I am desperate to find a boyfriend. Of all the things that I could have been desperate for, this is the one that surprised me the most. You see for the past year, I thought I've become contented with the status of my love life (or the lack of a status). I thought I wasn't in love with anyone in the past year. Then suddenly, I realized that I am still in love with someone. Maybe I just repressed the feelings that I have, which could explain why I thought I was contented. But one thing's certain now: I am not contented. I want that someone that I love to love me back. And I want it to happen now.

I am desperate to have a great career. Currently, I'm employed in a great company. I am part of a team that has been established only less than a year ago so prospects for growth are good. But I had myself transferred to another team effective January. Our big boss dissuaded me from making the move as he said that if ever anyone's going to be promoted in the team I'm currently in, it's going to be me. But I still went ahead with the transfer. Now, I'm going to start training on January. Then I'll be travelling to Rockville, Maryland come February for another round of training. After that, God knows what's going to happen to me. I just hope I made a wise career move.

I am desperate to come out to my parents. My mom and dad still don't know that I'm gay. Or maybe they already know. It's just that I've never acknowledged it to them and they've never asked. But I just want to get this whole coming out process over and done. I want to be able to watch TV and comment on the cute actors or look at guys on the street without fearing that my dad will see me doing those things and start beating me up. Or I wanna be able to talk with my mom about my desperation to have a boyfriend. But I can't come out to them. I'm just too afraid that a lot of things will change once they know. And change is a bad thing when it comes to family.

I am desperate to lose weight. I've been going to the gym for the past month and I only lost 1 pound. ONE POUND! But then, they say the best way to lose weight is to lose it gradually so I'm hoping I'll lose an additional 10 pounds by March. But the odds are stacked against me. The Christmas season is still upon me so there's still a lot of delicious food being paraded before my eyes. And I'm going to the USA on February so I won't have access to my trainer and the gym. Even my officemates have been betting on how much weight I'm going to gain during my stay abroad. Talk about a hopeless scenario.

Yes, I am a desperate man. But the one thing that gets me in a tizzy is that I am desperate to not be desperate anymore. I've said back in November that I lead a charmed life and that is still true. And I believe that people leading charmed lives have no right to be desperate at all.

Pasko Na?

Taun-taon, before dumating ang mismong araw ng Pasko, palagi akong nagcocomplain na hindi ko nafifeel na Christmas season na. Pero kapag Chrsitmas Eve na, ayan feel na feel ko na talaga ang Pasko. Pero ngayong taon, wala talaga... Araw na ng Pasko ngayon at wala pa din akong holiday spirit. Iniisip ko na baka naman kasi meron akong di nagawa o kaya'y kulang na elemento ngayong taon. Pero hindi rin eh... Nakapagshopping naman ako ng mga pangregalo't nakisiksik sa malls at tiangge. Nakakuha naman ako ng mga regalo galing sa mga kaibigan at mahal sa buhay. Malamig naman ang panahon. Nakapag simbang gabi. Nakakain ng puto bumbong at bibingka. Nakapakinig ng mga Christmas carols... At natrapik ng matagal! Ang 'di ko lang na-experience ngayong taon eh ang mag kris kringle at hindi naman iyon malaking kawalan sa akin... Pasko na talaga ang lahat ng elemento sa aking buhay except lang ang aking puso. 'Di ko talaga feel. Bakit kaya?!?!