zzzzzzz

so embarrassing... i fell asleep at work today. well i always fall asleep dito sa trabaho and it's always by choice. kung walang work or if ever i'm feeling drowsy, i always take a quick nap. but today, the quick nap turned into a two hour snooze fest and i was snoring loudly according to my team mates. kahiya as in next level kahiya!

the weird thing about it is hindi naman ako puyat last night. baka yung mga pagpupuyat ko the other nights (especially nung retreat) ang nagcontribute sa ultimate pagbagsak ng body ko today. i've been awake for over an hour now and i've had a cup of coffee pero wala pa din akong lakas. hay...

Thoughts on a Rainy Day

I've been feeling down lately but I am quite happy this week! Maybe it's because of the lack of work or the beautiful weather we've been having (in Manila, rainy wather is beautiful weather!). Maybe it's the shopping spree I had on Monday or my not going to the gym anymore (working out is stressful!). Or maybe it's still an offshoot of the good vibes from being with such a great group of people last weekend. Whatever the reason may be, the important thing is that I do not feel crazy at all. I love this feeling... Ahahaha!

I've bought Six Feet Under DVDs last week and I've been watching them everyday. It feels so good to watch something that is very familiar. Even if I've watched the show before, I love watching them over and over again. Maybe it's the comfort that it brings me. I love the characters, I love the storylines, I love Ruth Fisher! A whole lot of love from me for this show! And apparently, HBO Asia has been cutting a lot of stuff so I got to see the unedited episodes. If only I can get my hands on the final season, I'd be a happy camper!

I am kinda obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. I've watched a couple of episodes of Grey's Anatomy in the USA but I haven't watched any of the first season episodes before so it was quite nice to see the DVD set on sale at Tower Records. Of course I snatched it up right away. And I've watched the entire season together with a couple of friends in just one night! It was a very fun night, just me, Aena and Ate Reg. We ate this humongous pizza from Big Apple together with some potato stuff. We gossiped about everything. And of course we gloried in the greatness of GA!

Another show that I've been obsessed with is Veronica Mars. Well not really obsessed in the way I've been obsessed with Friends or Buffy but it's almost there. VM is such a great show. It's similar to Buffy because of the lone heroine thing and the witty one-liners. But VM is pretty much grounded in reality, which I love. You see Veronica is a high school girl trying to solve the mystery of her best-friend's murder. Heavy stuff I know but everything is kept fun by the great acting, the great dialogue and the cute guys! Ahaha... Unfortunately, nabitin ako because my friend did not lend me the final episode! Arrggghhhhh!!!

Hope

This past weekend heralded the start of another retreat season for the Peace Retreat Movement. This year is a very different one for the auxilliaries due to the removal of the Kitchen Ministry. Cost cutting at its most extreme, sigh... So there were fewer auxis in the retreat but it was still a lot of fun.

Actually, the fun part is slowly diminishing for me. Maybe it's because of my age, seeing one too many retreats already. There are no surprises anymore, no new challenges to tackle. If anything, my job as an auxi has become easier because of the numerous program changes. But I still loved this retreat mainly because of the retreatants.

Now I've seen a lot of retreatants already and I've always maintained my distance from them. Sometimes it's because I can't relate to them or they are intimidating. Mainly it's because I really am not much of a people-person. But in this retreat, I've bonded with some of the retreatants.

During our sharing session I've revealed that I'm longing for a love life. One of the kids asked me, "Kuya, boy or girl ba gusto niyo?" I was surprised by the question because no retreatant has ever asked me that and also because of the straightforward way it was asked. But I am out of the closet now so I honestly said that I am looking for a man. I said "Sorry na lang sa mga against sa beliefs nila ang kabadingan pero bading ako." And everyone in my group said that they have nothing against it. Some of them even said "Ano pong type niyo? Hahanapan kita!" And that put such a huge smile on my face. It was one of the most fun sharing sessions I ever had not only because of their positive response to my revelation but also because they treated me like I am one of them. They were not afraid to share or joke around with me and that was great! And this bonding moment extended beyond the sharing session. It went on for the whole retreat.

Being with these kids has given me hope. You see, I've pretty much given up on having a love life. I don't know how to be proactive about it and I'm not exactly doing anything to know how. And none of my friends really seem to care if I found someone out there. They always babble on how much they want a boyfriend or a girlfriend but they pretty much ignore the fact that a gay guy like me needs to be with someone as well!

But these kids as I've said earlier were asking me if I wanna be set up! One told me to update her on the status of my love life. One of them even said "Kuya sana ikaw na lang boyfriend ng pinsan ko." Now I don't know if they are serious when they said those kind words but just the fact that these kids are saying these things really made me think that there's still hope after all for me. And I love and I thank them for that.