On My Own

A friend of mine recently posted the lyrics to "On My Own" in her blog. When I first saw that she posted it I thought, "Damn! Sana naunahan ko siyang ipost yun." That song has lyrics that, like the previously deconstructed Angel, has parallels in my life. I have been listening to "On My Own" a lot in the past few years. When I first started listening to that song, I was deeply depressed and deeply in love.

On my own pretending he's beside me...

Oh yes, that particular line is very applicable to me. Pretending... That's what the whole song is about, pretending about a relationship. I always pretended that that guy I loved before is beside me. That we're together. That he loves me.

Pretending... Imagination is so powerful. But as I have mentioned in a previous post, I seem to have lost the will to imagine. I think I am in love again but with a different man this time around. But unlike the previous romantic "experience" I had, I can't muster the strength to think or imagine being with this new guy. True, I sometimes think what it would be like to hold his hand or kiss him. But those thoughts are very temporary, they're not the full blown fantasies I used to have. I might be in love with him but it seems that the hope I used to have that whoever I'll love will love me back is gone.

Now that I've thought about it, I'm not at all disappointed that I didn't beat my friend to the punch with this song. Yes, I'm still loving on my own. But it's my choice now to love on my own. The title is still very apt, but the lyrics don't apply to me anymore.