Lost

I feel so lost. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with my life. I feel so envious of my friends who seem to have found meaning in their work, in their lives. They have jobs that require them to really think, to contribute, to have an impact. Me, I feel like I'm just a cog in our company's machine that can be easily replaced with fake parts.

The past few years, I've gone through many ambitions. I was a business management student at DLSU and back when we were doing our Practicum, I've envisioned myself running some business. Then when the call center industry became popular, I imagined myself becoming the best CSR there is. I imagined becoming a manager of a branch of McDonald's, my favorite fastfood chain ever, that I even applied for a management trainee position which I didn't get. I imagined becoming part of showbusiness, to apply for one of the Tadjock positions at Wazzup Wazzup. I imagined becoming a trainer at a call center or a teacher in a high school, molding minds into whatever they need to be.

Yes, I've gone through many ambitions that I'm suddenly left with no dreams right now. One of my biggest dreams before was to leave the Philippines, go to America, have a fresh start. Get a job that I will love. Be part of a community that will fully accept me. Find the love of my life. I don't have that dream anymore. I don't try to dream anymore.

I am lost. And I just pray that someone will find me.