Enthusiasm. Life. Gone.

Something has happened to me: I've lost the will to live. I'm not saying that I've become suicidal. I'm just saying that I lost the will to LIVE! Live life with a joy that makes me want to get out of my bed every morning to experience all the new things that await me. But I don't feel that way. Not anymore.

I've been thinking the past few weeks about what's wrong with me. I feel different. I am different. I used to watch movies a lot, read all the email newsletters that I have subscribed to and every single entertainment tidbit on the net, finish the tasks in my job ahead of schedule, be excited about the retreats I'm going to participate in, imagine (fantasize?) what it would be like to be in a relationship, be enthused about LIFE! Now I realized what's wrong with me: I lost enthusiasm.

Going through the motions, that is what I've been doing the past few weeks. Wake up, get dressed, go to work, eat, work a little bit, gossip, eat, go home, watch tv, sleep. Yep, that's pretty much my daily agenda. Not much variance going on there. Some would say it's normal, the routine of life. I say it's boring, the monotony of life.

The question now is, why did I let it come to this? Why do I, the person who had zest for everything, only get excited about my slowly growing hair nowadays?!? Why did I stop being? Why did I stop loving? Why did I stop living? I don't know. I don't care. I'm gone.