ramblings of a drunk
i'm writing this post in my sister's laptop. her laptop is a bit weird (stupid cheap thing) and i'm not used to the cramped keyboard so i apologize if things appear weirder than usual. i'm trying my best to edit all the oddities that crop up but i am drunk so i'm sure the editing process will not be that succesful.
ayways, everything is fucked up today. sure, the day seemed to be the perfect day that it should have been. november is actually shaping up to be the best month of the year ever. it's the month of my birthday. it's the month of our barkada's grand out-of-town event. 13th month pay is supposed to be given out. cine europa and cinemanila is finally happening. and the last retreat this year is about to take place. yeah a lot of things are happening, suitably filling up my calendar for the month. problem is, al lot of these events are happening on the same dates so i'm having a hard time schedulig them all.
this scheduling mishap seemed to coalesce this day, november 11, 2005. yeah yeah, it's already the 12th but i am awake since yesterday so it stil counts as the 11th. i've gone to a prm meeting, went to shangri-la to watch a couple of cine europa films, bitched about my life and my friends' lives, talked about our upcoming trip, and got drunk at a friend's house. sure, everything seemed perfect what with everythig that's happening. but as i said, it's a big scheduling mishap. i sacrificed a lot of things just to be able to do all of these in the same day.
aside from the scheduling nightmare, another part of my life is getting fucked up. one that's very different from the very shallow scheduling nightmare that i've been having. it's a friendship fuck up. you see, my friends have been teasing me and this other guy. i like this guy. a lot. but i like him in the purest platonic sense. nothing romantic going on... but they kept on teasing and teasing and teasing. before, i liked it whenever i was teased to another guy. kind of like being in on the joke. now, i feel like i'm becoming the joke itself, the laughingstock within my group of friends. "oh look! ben is friendly toward this guy! he must looooove him!" it's just so fucked up that it's not funny anymore.
another thing that is fucked up is my friendships. i've screwed over the different groups of friends that i have over and over again. it all goes back to the scheduling nightmare. i have one too many groups of friends. everyone wants to go out. so i have to choose which group i should go with. sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. but what actually happens is lying, lying, lying. lie to one group so that i can be with another group. funny thing is that i used to be the guy who is content with few friends as long as the frinedships are deep and meaningul ones. now, i have tons of friends. but the friendships are not deep at all. the friendships are based on just a few drunk experiences and a couple of expletives. nthing meaningful at all.
blaahhh... i;m drunk. i don't even know what i;m writing about. free form babeeehhhh... nothng means anything anymore. nothing makes sense. except this aching desire of mine. a desre to drnk some more alcoholic beverages hoping that i'll black out so i can forget.
funny thing is, i'm actually happy this month. it's just that everything is so fucked up.
ayways, everything is fucked up today. sure, the day seemed to be the perfect day that it should have been. november is actually shaping up to be the best month of the year ever. it's the month of my birthday. it's the month of our barkada's grand out-of-town event. 13th month pay is supposed to be given out. cine europa and cinemanila is finally happening. and the last retreat this year is about to take place. yeah a lot of things are happening, suitably filling up my calendar for the month. problem is, al lot of these events are happening on the same dates so i'm having a hard time schedulig them all.
this scheduling mishap seemed to coalesce this day, november 11, 2005. yeah yeah, it's already the 12th but i am awake since yesterday so it stil counts as the 11th. i've gone to a prm meeting, went to shangri-la to watch a couple of cine europa films, bitched about my life and my friends' lives, talked about our upcoming trip, and got drunk at a friend's house. sure, everything seemed perfect what with everythig that's happening. but as i said, it's a big scheduling mishap. i sacrificed a lot of things just to be able to do all of these in the same day.
aside from the scheduling nightmare, another part of my life is getting fucked up. one that's very different from the very shallow scheduling nightmare that i've been having. it's a friendship fuck up. you see, my friends have been teasing me and this other guy. i like this guy. a lot. but i like him in the purest platonic sense. nothing romantic going on... but they kept on teasing and teasing and teasing. before, i liked it whenever i was teased to another guy. kind of like being in on the joke. now, i feel like i'm becoming the joke itself, the laughingstock within my group of friends. "oh look! ben is friendly toward this guy! he must looooove him!" it's just so fucked up that it's not funny anymore.
another thing that is fucked up is my friendships. i've screwed over the different groups of friends that i have over and over again. it all goes back to the scheduling nightmare. i have one too many groups of friends. everyone wants to go out. so i have to choose which group i should go with. sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. but what actually happens is lying, lying, lying. lie to one group so that i can be with another group. funny thing is that i used to be the guy who is content with few friends as long as the frinedships are deep and meaningul ones. now, i have tons of friends. but the friendships are not deep at all. the friendships are based on just a few drunk experiences and a couple of expletives. nthing meaningful at all.
blaahhh... i;m drunk. i don't even know what i;m writing about. free form babeeehhhh... nothng means anything anymore. nothing makes sense. except this aching desire of mine. a desre to drnk some more alcoholic beverages hoping that i'll black out so i can forget.
funny thing is, i'm actually happy this month. it's just that everything is so fucked up.
posted by NinayorBegger at 4:43 AM
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