Adaptation

I'm not the kind of homosexual who is uber-comfortable with my sexuality. Yes, a lot of people already know that I am gay and they have pretty much accepted it. But at the same time, I am wary as to whether or not they are comfortable with my being gay. I cannot just go "If you can't accept me for who I am, then so be it!"

So whenever I am with other people, I try to determine first if they are okay with acts, jokes or expressions that are gay in nature. If they are okay with it, lantaran naaaa! If they are not, then I try to be subdued or limit my gay tics. I guess you can say I have different levels of gayness, depending on the situation or the company.

Why do I this? Why can't I just act the same way with all kinds of people? Because I don't want to be the cause of awkwardness, I don't want to offend people, I don't want to make them uncomfortable. Some people may say that I should try to be myself all the time. But then I realized that I am being myself. I am the kind of person who'd try the best that he could to not ruffle other people's feathers not just with my homosexuality but with my other idiosyncrasies as well.

So yeah, I change myself to be liked by others. Or more appropriately, to NOT be UNLIKED by others. But I'm okay with that. Adaptation is the best way for me to survive this crazy world.